One night a few years back I went to the ER with a friend. She had this really sore spot, maybe a cyst, at the bottom of her neck, near her chest. Also, she had quite a lot of pain in her lymph nodes under her arms. We are sitting in the room and the doc comes in and introduces himself to my friend then looks at me and says “Are you mom?” WHAT THE FUCK! I say, “Mom! I hope to hell not she’s 29. Jesus how old do I look!?!?!?!” So doc says “I’m really tired, I’m just tired.” And my friend giggles “Maybe I just look that young?” To which I respond, “What like 12?!” So then doc starts looking at my friend’s neck and feeling her lymph nodes.
He looks at her like she’s an idiot and says “Do you know what it is?” All confused she responds, “Uh, No, I was hoping that’s what you could tell me.” So then he says, “What do you want me to do?” At this point I realized we weren’t dealing with the brightest doctor known to man or maybe he hadn’t slept in like, a week. I decide to interject before my friend started crying. “Look she has had a cyst before from an ingrown hair that she didn’t have checked right away. She just wants to have this checked before it gets worse.” So he looks at her and says, without a hint of humor, “Well you’re not growing hair on your chest are you?”
At this point my friend looks at me as if, what the fuck is his deal. So I ask what about the lymph nodes. My friend tells doc how she knows someone in the medical field and that they told her that if there was an infection in the thing on her neck it could be draining and causing the pain in her lymph nodes under her arms. So this doctor, and I’m not shitting you, says “Hmm anatomy, I have to remember my anatomy lessons” At this point he takes the palm of his hand and starts slapping it against his forehead, over and over. “Anatomy (slap), Anatomy (slap). Think anatomy (slap)”. My friend and I just keep looking at each other wondering what the hell was up this guy! Was he even a doctor????
Finally he writes her a prescription for an antibiotic and we go on our way. I told my friend I felt sorry if a true emergency came in if dude had to use his palm to try to jar a damn anatomy lesson loose. Wonder what the hell he’d have to do for a broken leg?
Incoherent Ramblings of a Crazy Bitch 