Incoherent Ramblings of a Crazy Bitch

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I’m Too Old For This Shit — January 6, 2015

I’m Too Old For This Shit

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Went to Snickerz Comedy Club Comedy Club and to dinner quite a while back with my friends Angie and Kris. At dinner my friend Angie ordered this big ass margarita. I mean this sucker was 48oz, never seen one that big. I had only ordered a 12oz. So much smaller than what she got, story of my life I guess. Well I drank mine then proceeded to fill my glass from Angie’s. Then drank Kris’ drink also. Then, filled my glass again from Angie’s. Although I should have stopped at that point Angie had some left so I just drank it. Damn I was getting drunk.

We then went to Snickerz Comedy Club. Talked to the manager about my doing open mic nite again. Not only did he remember me but a couple of other guys there remembered me too. Of course my response to that is it’s kind of hard to forget me up on stage talking about bad sex ha-ha. At Snickerz I had a big rum runner while there then half another one. Before I even finished the second I realized, damn I’m drunk. So I quit drinking. Anyway after Snickerz a few of us went to Piere’s, the part that was CLUB V at the time. I guess you could call it the hip hop side. Well in my drunkenness I decided I was going to dance in the cage like I did back in the day.

I’m up there dancing and shaking my hips like i was 22 again. I’m really getting into it, shake, shake shake. I know I have to look hot as Hell, whipping my head back and forth and moving my hips. Of course in reality I probably looked like some old ass freak, dressed like a hooker and flopping around like I was having a seizure. But damn 30 seconds of that and I was worn out. My friends go on the dance floor so I slithered out of the cage like I was a damn stripper. As soon as my feet hit the floor vomit comes up in my mouth. I didn’t puke, but it reached past my throat. I mean I could feel chunks on my tongue. (If that grossed you out imagine how I felt). Not wanting to look like a fool in this busy busy club, I swallow the shit back down and decide my dancing is over for the night.

There I was just standing to the side looking like a dork, trying not to puke. While I’m standing there one of our friends decides to leave so I have now taken the position of cock blocking body guard and walk her out because by this point I was becoming the sober one. We stop and talk to a cop on the way who is sitting in his car learning how to play guitar. I’m not kidding. The neck of the guitar is out his window and he had his music sheet out. He said he was off duty and working for the bar. After chatting up rodeo cop I take my friend to her car and return to the bar.

I went back inside to be big momma cock blocking body guard to the other two dancing fools. As I’m standing there I realized, man I really needed to fart. Well I’m drunk; sick as Hell to my stomach from dancing, so I figured fuck it. And I then became the farting cock blocking body guard. I recommend you don’t eat Mexican before a night of dancing at the clubs. Every time I walked, Hell moved, I had the flapping of my cheeks and the prayers to God I wasn’t going to shart myself. I can’t even tell you if it smelled. I’d fart, move, fart, move, fart, and move. Maybe I was simply marking my territory?

This experience brought back a memory from years prior.  Another time I went to Piere’s with my friend Angie and we were in this huge crowd. I had to fart so bad I could help it. Talk about silent but deadly. It was as if a cloud of rotten eggs and shit was hovering around us. It was so bad it grossed me out, let alone everyone around me. Angie crunched her face up in disgust and said “Man somebody just shit themselves let’s get outa here!” So we left. I never did tell her it was me. Of course if she reads this she’ll know my secret hee hee.

At the end of the night I had to lead those two drunken asses out. We tried to go out the wrong door and the bouncers had it closed. The one did tell me I was hot. Yea that’s me, the hot, farting, puking, dancing fool. Fun times. But man I’m getting old. Back in the day I could drink all night, party till the bar closed then go out for breakfast. After sleeping a few hours I could be out again. Now if I do make it out past midnight it’s a special occasion and once in a while I’ll say fuck it and just wear my robe when I go HAHAHA

I Can’t Even Give It Away — January 5, 2015

I Can’t Even Give It Away

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When I moved back to Decatur I didn’t date anyone for quite awhile. I had gone on a couple of dates, but never more than two and no sex for something like a year and a half. So once again I found myself in celibate hell and I wasn’t about to let it get to another three years again. Well I had this male friend who was always telling us how big his dick was and how good he was in bed, could go all night long and shit like that. All the time we’d laugh and laugh about it. Finally one night I thought, fuck it. I’m going to see just how good he is. Other people have fuck buddies, why not me? So I send him a text and ask him if he wanted to rent some movies. He said sure.

I go over to his place and we are sitting on the couch watching this movie. And all I could think about was “Okay now when are we going to have sex. He has to know what I came over for!” Dude never made a move! So about half way through the movie I decided to stretch my legs out over his, undo my pants, like I was just relaxing you know, but “oh look an invitation”. Still nothing. Now I was getting really frustrated. We watched an entire movie as I’m lay there sprawled out, pants undone, wondering how the heck I was going to get him to jump me. After the movie was done he asks if I want to watch another movie. I say “Sure, why don’t we watch it in the bedroom.”

So we go in this guy’s bedroom. This time I decide to make it perfectly clear what I’m there for. I take off my pants, take off my bra and lay on top of the covers in just panties and a t-shirt. He never touched me. I’m putting one arm above my head, and then the other, stretching, looked over at him a few times. NOTHING. I know I know I could have jumped him and just been aggressive, but dammit I’m a lady and I want to feel like a man wants me! You have to remember I’d hardly even been asked out in almost 2 years so I was already wondering what was wrong with me and I hoping to be seduced. About half way through the second (very bad) movie I’m feeling like I must be the ugliest, fattest freak known to man so I get up and get dressed. As I’m walking out the door he asked where I was going. I yell “HOME!” and walked out.

He sent me a text telling me I was confusing. I responded, “Here’s some advice. The next time you have a half naked woman in your bed, YOU FUCK HER!” This happened years ago but once again I find myself in the same situation two years without a date, not even someone holding my hand. But now I’m older and wiser so there will be no more trying to be seduced by men. Think I’ll just get another cat…

A Trail Of Breadcrumbs? — January 4, 2015

A Trail Of Breadcrumbs?

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We stopped at on our way to Hell (also known as Miami Florida) at some random grocery store so that I could use the bathroom. Their bathroom was one of those unisex ones where there wasn’t an individual stall but just a large open area, a toilet and a sink. Not the cleanest place you can imagine, but I really had to go so I locked the door and sat down.

As I sat there doing my business I just start looking around the room and notice these small, white pill looking things all over the floor. Me being the idiot I am, kind of bend over a little bit and squint my eyes so I can see what they were. And then it hit me… Rolled up toilet paper with shit on them! Jesus people, does no body know how to wipe their damn ass!

We’re not talking just a couple pieces because now I’m really looking and they are all over the damn floor, right up to the door. So then I’m fucking wondering if this person, whoever it was, might be walking around the store right now dropping little bits of shit paper everywhere. After I was done I had to maneuver around what I now saw as a mine field and try to get the Hell out of there without getting poop pills stuck to my shoes.

After that happened I now find myself looking on the floor in every public restroom, out of curiosity, sickness, boredom, whatever you want to call it, I’ll sit there and look at the floor. I’ll be damned if I don’t see it everywhere now. Just today I was sitting on the toilet at work and glanced at the floor. Yup, right there it was. Someone was wiping their ass like their butt was wood and the toilet paper was sandpaper and they were trying to smooth it clean.

Fold and wipe people, fold and wipe. You may end up using a whole damn roll of toilet paper but at least you won’t leave a trail of breadcrumbs falling out the leg of your pants as you walk to your desk. I don’t know who has the bigger issue. Them for making such a mess in their underwear that they probably have to shake it out at the end of the day or me for looking for these bits of shit paper. Go ahead and judge people, sometimes I forget my phone and just need something to do while I sit there. HAHAHAHA

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Now Get Your Fat Ass In There And Change — January 1, 2015

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Now Get Your Fat Ass In There And Change

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One New Year’s Eve I went out to dinner with a friend. We had a good time eating, laughing, just killing time till I had to meet the guy I was dating. After dinner I went over to my boyfriends place because we were going to a party at his friend’s house. I was wearing this baby doll tee and a button shirt open over it. But I was feeling like maybe the t-shirt was a little tight.

I walk in the door at my boyfriend’s place and asked him if he thought my shirt was a little tight. And this is the response I got, “Oh ya it’s way too tight. When you walked in the door I thought “Oh God” (as he scrunched up his face like he just saw a pile of dog shit) I can’t believe you even wore that. God (again with the face).” As I stand there in shock I say “I didn’t think I looked that bad, I wore this to work so one said anything.” He says “Oh ya it’s bad. Where did you and Mandy eat?” So I tell him JD’s (I like their Mexican food). He then says “That’s why you look the way you do all that Mexican food you eat (the dog shit face again). We have an hour before we have to leave so you have time to go home and change.” By the time these words finished leaving his mouth I was walking my fat ass back out the door.

He yells “HEY! Where are you going?”, and runs outside after me. I tell him, “There’s no way in Hell I’m going out with you tonight.”  I get in my car and he starts pounding on my door but I wouldn’t open it, so he jumps behind my car. What a fool cuz I’ll run over a stupid mother fucker, I won’t hesitate. So I back up, and keep backing up, and then really start giving it some gas as I back up. All of a sudden THUMP! So I stop. He comes limping up to my window but I wouldn’t roll it down. He starts whining, “You ran over my foot, you gotta take me to the hospital.” I figured if I did run over his foot I was probably going to jail so I roll down my window to talk to him only to find out the fucker was lying. He was just trying to get me to roll my window down.

As soon as it was down enough he lunged in my car hanging half way in trying to kiss me, “Come on baby, I love you, I want to go to this party with you. Just hurry up and go home and change.” Stupid fucker, at this time I was willing to go to jail so I hit the gas. He’s half way in my window, jogging beside my car and I’m kicking up the speed. So he starts screaming “STOP STOP you’re making me run!” So I say “are you going to get the fuck out of my car?” When he said yes, I stopped. He got his sorry ass out and I drove away. But wait, it didn’t end there!

I needed to calm down so I just start driving around town. He started calling me and leaving me messages “Come on baby I love you, just hurry up and change so we can go” “ Baby I  love you for who you are not what you look like” “I’m sitting outside your place right now, where are you? Change baby and we can go to this party” I heard that one and bypassed my place and went to the roller rink to see another friend.

Once I got there I started trying to tell her what happened and I’m bawling and bawling. I already have insecurities and this dude just made me feel like the fattest ugliest thing on earth. While I’m sitting there with her he’s still calling “We can still make the party if you just change, I love you, where are you?” “I’m at the party and my friends are asking where you are, they think you don’t like them” No you stupid fuck, it’s you I can’t stand, I actually like your friends.

Well my friend gets me calmed down we go over to Wal-mart where I run into a guy who used to hang around my boyfriend. So I tell him what happened. And he says, “Erica I’m going to tell you something about _______ he’s a really nice guy, but he’s just not that bright.” Damn he’s right. So then my girlfriend starts saying, “He can’t help it he’s stupid. (In this lispsy funny voice)” So that got me laughing.

As pathetic as I am though I decide I didn’t want to spend New Years alone, but I’ll be damned if I was taking my fat ass to any parties. So I go over to this guy’s place and just watch TV, thinking I’ll wait till he gets there. He called me again and this time I answered. He’s going on and on how he loves me and asked where I was. When I said his place he came right home. So as the countdown began, we were laying on the couch holding each other.  I told him he had really hurt my feelings. And he responds, “Well don’t ask a question you don’t want an honest answer to.” Goddamn stupid mother fucker. I hate him. I mean some serious hatred here. HAHAHAHAHA

I WISH I WAS A BONOBO — December 31, 2014

I WISH I WAS A BONOBO

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Back in college I was taking a Bio anthropology class and it was CRAZY. My professor was pretty wild to start with. Well one day during class he was talking about these bonobo monkeys. They’re like a small version of a chimp. These monkeys are THE most sexual primates on the planet!!!! I’m not shittin ya. They have sex ALL THE TIME. And not just sex but oral sex, gay sex, sex in different positions. They are the only monkeys that have sex in the missionary position. These damn things are so horny that’s all they do. If two groups of monkeys come upon each other they’ll start hollering at each other, then they’ll just have a group orgy.

Now I bet you’re asking, yea right how do I know? The professor could just be saying it to mess with us. Well my dear friends, my professor saw fit to provide us with pictures. So yes I have visuals in my mind of monkey’s fucking and having oral sex. Hell there was one that was in color, a female monkey laying on her back and masturbating. Now that’s some shit to remember forever. And I’m telling you I WILL remember it forever; guess I did learn something in college. Felt like I was looking at a monkey porno mag.

And here’s another tidbit of info that isn’t particular to bonobo’s but to primates period. In some groups of monkeys there is the dominant male who gets to mate with the females. Well on the outskirts will be the nondominant males that the larger male will keep away. Sometimes there are horny little female monkeys who aren’t getting enough action (huh they are like us) from the dominant male so her slutty ass will sneak off to the outskirts and bend over for these nondominant males. And get this, the actual scientific term in the journals “sneaky fuckers”. Yes these females and males on the outskirts are sneaky fuckers. And alas, we had visuals for that too. We had still life showing the female sneaking off, her and the male looking around and then of them fucking.

I’ve earned two college degrees, excelled in classes such as microeconomics, macroeconomics, statistical theory and calculus. Yet the main thing I remember is the about the sneaky fuckers. Well that, and my Geology professor was a transsexual. Ah the things I learned in college. Wonder if this’ll help me land a job?

You’re Jealous Cuz I’m Hot! — December 30, 2014

You’re Jealous Cuz I’m Hot!

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There was this one guy I dated who always felt the need to point out every woman he wanted to fuck, tried to fuck, or had fucked. I couldn’t hang out with him and his friends because I knew in detail how many of his friend’s girlfriends or wives he would like to fuck. Hell even my friends. He went down a list saying who he’d fuck and who’d he just let give him a blow job. Trust me I wasn’t asking.

I remember one night we went to Fort Wayne for dinner and as we were leaving the hostess said goodbye and smiled. So this guy turns to me and says “She has a nice smile. Her mouth would look really good around my cock.” What an asshole! Then there was another time. We were at Decatur Gardens one morning. And this guy pointed out one of the waitresses and says “I know her. I didn’t fuck her but she sucked my dick one night.” This chick then comes over to take our order. So there I am wondering when the Hell my boyfriends cock was in this chick’s mouth as I’m trying to order, “Um ya, I’d like a pecan waffle, bacon….”

I couldn’t even watch TV with this guy because he’d point out all those chicks he’d like to fuck too. I’m sure you’re asking, “Well why didn’t you just say something?” I DID! I told him how disrespectful it was, rude, and just plain made him an ass. His response? “YOU’RE JEALOUS! You’re just jealous cuz I’m so hot!” Well he must have had a funhouse mirror in his damn bathroom because dude was so not hot. Wasn’t ugly, but definitely not what makes panties wet.

Needless to say that relationship didn’t last very long. I can’t stand a needy man and jealousy just isn’t my thing. Well, not any more. I guess getting locked up DOES detour crime. HAHAHAHA

MMMMM Tasty — December 29, 2014

MMMMM Tasty

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When I was about 9/10 years old I was visiting my mom up in Fort Wayne. My mom didn’t cook very many types of things but there were a few she could do well. Whenever she made mashed potatoes she didn’t use that instant crap, she made real mashed potatoes. Whipped them up with milk and butter, a little salt and pepper, so good. Well I love mashed potatoes and I remember one day in particular she made them for dinner.

As my mother and my sister were in the kitchen making the potatoes I was sitting at the table in the dining room.  After a bit they were done and my mom sits a big bowl down in front of me and walks back into the kitchen. Well I see her and my sister peeking around the corner and giggling and laughing, just watching me. Hmmm, right away I’m suspicious. I look at the bowl and notice there’s black flecks all mixed in the mashed potatoes. So I ask “What’s the black stuff?” My mom tells me “It’s pepper, just eat it”. Again I just sit there and watch them as they keep glancing at me then each other with smirks on their faces. I’m not stupid so I know something is up.

Now I’m really starting look close at the bowl. Finally I figured it out. I can see chunks of black, brown, legs, antennae “OH MY GOD THERE’S COCKROACHES IN HERE!!!” My mom and sister bust out laughing and tell me that when my mom turned on the mixer to mix the potatoes cockroaches fell out and were chopped up in the potatoes. They thought it would be funny to watch me eat it. And oh yes, my mother would have let me eat them. Wouldn’t doubt if she had before. At least I wasn’t my little brother; she let him eat worse…

Wink Wink — December 28, 2014

Wink Wink

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In the online dating world the very first thing that catches anyone’s attention is your profile picture. I’ve talked to some people who say the pictures of those they went out with were NOTHING like how they looked in person. The pictures were from high school or pictures of when they weighed 200 pounds less. Hell even pictures straight up of other people. Well let me tell you about a few profiles I have seen.

There was one where the picture was a guy’s kids. Now I’m sure he loves his children, but seriously and I suppose to say “Oh what cute kids we should go out?” How about the guys who show pictures of vehicles or motorcycles? “Wow a Harley, that must mean he’s a really nice guy!” And the one with big houses make me want to write back and say, “Did you take a picture of your neighbor’s house or what?” The guys who are flexing their muscles in the mirror make me want to laugh out loud. Actually I shouldn’t say they make me want to, they do HAHAHA And the guys sitting there shirtless, slouched, not smiling, wow, how hot. Some of them look like damn serial killers. One especially creepy guy must have been laying in bed. It didn’t show his face. It showed his stomach with a remote control on it, the full length of his legs and the TV at the end of his bed. I couldn’t figure out what the Hell he was trying to accomplish with that picture.

Of course there are always the guys who don’t know how to cut a damn ex out of a picture. Come on man, like I want to see you with your arms around a good looking woman, smiling like a fool. Cut and paste baby cut and paste. My all-time favorite though was a guy who was sitting there all huggie kissie with this woman. Dude didn’t cut and paste. He had blacked out the woman’s eyes, and gave her a moustache and goatee. What the Hell is I supposed to say to that? “Oh how clever, haha, lets go out.” I personally thought that screamed PSYCHO. Shit he’d probably chop me up and put me in his freezer. After taking a picture first of course haha

If you actually make it past the profile picture and read the profile that’s where it starts getting really interesting. Some guys go on and on about how they’ve been hurt and cheated on. Again, that will hardly make me want you. You don’t put that shit in your profile!!!! Save that for the 3rd or 4th date. Some guys will just put it out there that they are just looking for a good time and nothing serious. Do they really have to go online for that; can’t they just go to the local bar?  This one profile I saw was so huge I couldn’t even read the damn thing, it was soooo boring. It went into great detail about his job, life, family, etc. Save that shit for the date. The best one I had to see was this divorced guy who wrote “After twenty years of marriage my friends would come to me and ask me what the meaning of a good marriage is because I know. It is …” Come on dude, YOU’RE DIVORCED. You don’t know the meaning of shit!!!! You’ve had an experience, you’ve learned from it. That doesn’t mean you know the meaning of a good marriage!

Well if you make it past the profile picture and into the profile, next comes how you contact the person you’re interested in. I get these stupid ones, sometimes they are just smiley faces, or “winks”. Okay, did you have something to say? Am I supposed to respond? Or I’ll get “hey want to chat?” “What’s up” “you’re cute”. Again, what do I respond? I personally think if a man is interested in getting to know me he could at least write a damn paragraph and maybe ask me some questions so I will feel like responding. I often get those men who tell me I’m hot or sexy. My profile pic is just my face, that’s it. I could be 500 pounds! How would I even respond? “Gee thanks stranger for telling me I’m so sexy and I get your dick hard. Let’s meet.” It finally got to the point I put right into my profile to not comment on my looks and to bother to read my profile before writing. Oh they loved that. At that point I got the shitty ones. “You’re negative” “You must be a bitch” “How can you be so pessimistic” “You’re ugly anyway” and on and on.

I got in a bad habit though. ANY guy that would write me I felt like I HAD to write back or I might hurt their feelings. So I’d just say chit chat stuff. Before I know if I’m in email Hell with some fugly fat dude trying to explain why I’m not interested. Or with my past, I’d actually go on a date or probably end up in a relationship HAHA At this point I’ve just removed my profile from all dating sights and am going to the old fashioned way. So in my case, I won’t.

EXIT ONLY!!!!! — December 27, 2014

EXIT ONLY!!!!!

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Okay, maybe it’s just me and I’m a prude. But can someone please explain to me the fascination guys have with trying to stick their dicks in my ass? Seriously, I’m not kidding. From my very first boyfriend it seems to be the goal of every guy I date. Now I know there are many men and women out there who love ass fucking. Hell when I sold sex toys I sold more than one butt plug and set of anal beads to couples. But I’m not one of them. Oh I know some of you are thinking, “Just try it you’ll love it”. Well guess what, I have, I didn’t, and I don’t. Actually it makes me kind of jealous when I hear a woman say she loves it. Hell she has more than one way to get off and poor little me is just left with the plain old normal way.

I remember this one gay friend telling me (God I love this quote), “Girl I have a clit in my ass like a chick has in her pussy and it feels sooooo good!” Now that shit REALLY makes me jealous. I was at this party one time and a bunch of us got on the subject of butt fucking. So I say to the guy I was dating, “Look if you want to stick your dick in my ass so bad then let me stick something up yours”. He decides to ask his guy friends if they’d let their women do that. It was so fucking funny to find out how many of these guys actually let women “milk their prostate”. There was this one dude 6’3” who said “It’s okay to have a chick stick her finger up your ass when she’s giving you a blowjob, feels kind of good”. It was hilarious.

Now when I was in my younger years I had a boyfriend who talked me into it. I bled, hurt like Hell, and I didn’t like it one bit. So I swore I’d never do it again. So then I date the next guy and he tries to talk me into it. He’s saying all the normal shit, “If you love me you’d try it. How do you know you don’t like it unless you try it? Blah blah blah”. Well shit I can’t tell the dude I HAVE tried it and can’t stand it. I was afraid I would look whorish. So I’d play the ass virgin and figured I’d do it, bleed and cry and he’d never want to do it again. That worked, until I dated the next guy. And then the next.  After awhile I got damn tired playing the ass virgin just to get out of it because honestly it didn’t seem to work. And it’s not like there was a ton of guys you perverts, but you get the gist. As I aged I realized I needed to just stick up for myself and say no.

So then I dated this guy who was just fascinated with trying to fuck my ass. It was all he talked about. At first I’d played coy, “No, I don’t think so.” “It will hurt” ect. Of course he used all the old coercion techniques “Oh you’ll love it” “You’ll cum so hard” “I’ve been with lots of other girls that loved it” “How do you know you don’t like it unless you try it”. Finally after months and months of being badgered I told this freak, “Look I have tried it, I don’t like it.” “It hurts, I bleed and it makes me feel degraded.” “If those other chicks loved it then go fuck them in the ass.” “Look I don’t want a dick in my ass, a finger in my ass or a tongue in my ass. As a matter of fact pretend my ass doesn’t exist.” From this entire litany the only damn thing this guy walked away with was that I’d tried it before. So for the remainder of our relationship damn dude would beg, plead, even try to guilt me into it. If I didn’t allow him to fuck my ass I must not love him. Ya, guess not. Hell if we made a bet over something that’s what he always wanted his prize to be. Too damn bad it wasn’t going to happen. I’m a grown damn woman now. So after that relationship ended I decided to weed out those ass fuckers on the first damn date.

Yes I know, who in the hell would talk about ass fucking on the first date? Well anyone that knows me knows the answer to that. I’m not shitting you. This has now become first date material for me. Right along with tell me about your family, your job, likes and dislikes. Do you like butt fucking? Now don’t ask me how in the Hell I get a conversation around to this topic, it just does. So if a guy give me any indication that he sees my butt as a challenge, a prize to be won, or says something like “Oh you’ll do it again” with a wink and a nod, I can hear a big ass buzzer in my head and the dude’s out. Of course I don’t get a lot of second dates. But that’s okay. I don’t get any more dicks in my ass either and that works for me.

Spare Some Change? — December 26, 2014

Spare Some Change?

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Back in my younger years I used to party pretty darn hard (I know I know go figure HAHA). One weekend my dad was away and a friend and I broke out his hard liquor. We were in high school so of course we thought we could drink and drink and still party all night. After I alone drank a fifth of Crown Royal and a fifth of Amaretto my friend and I decided we were going to go to a party that was in Geneva. Well we didn’t have any gas money. But I knew my dad had this big change jar in his room so I drug it into the living room to count some out.

I’m sitting on the hardwood floor in the living room, counting away. All of sudden BLUGH BLUGH BLUGH I puked right in the change. And to make it even worse I then collapsed face first into the change and puke. So there I am laying face down in my own vomit, pennies going up my nose, puke in my eyes. My friend starts laughing her ass off! Do you think the bitch would help me? Oh Hell no. She went into town and brought back her boyfriend and some other mutual “friends”. I remember lying there, not able to move, listening to these assholes laughing away at me. Then they left! Right after that I passed out right where I lay.

The next morning I wake up and had to peel myself off the floor. Dried puke and change was stuck to my face and in my hair. After catching my balance I stumble to the bathroom. I was shocked at what I saw in the mirror. My God I was a mess. I think I even had puke in my ears. Thankfully this was back in the day before everyone had a cell phone and pictures were everywhere on facebook. After cleaning myself up I turned my attention to the change. All fucking day I washed that damn change. Had to soak it and wash just about each coin separate just to make sure there wasn’t puke on it. I guess I could have tossed it but I wasn’t about to throw away thirty bucks! This was back when we could get gas for 75 cents a gallon.

I was clean, the change was cleaned. Then I turned my attention to the mess on the floor, thankfully it was hardwood so it wasn’t too bad. Besides most of the vomit was on me and the change. God what a night. Wonder if my dad ever figured out what happened to his alcohol HAHAHAHAHA