I’M KICKING MY ASS, DO YOU MIND!

Went out with this rebound guy one night and we ended up at Vinnie’s where some of our friends were. I was drunk as a skunk, ya I know, not unusual Ha-ha. Well this guy and I were sitting at a table with a couple of friends. We were drinking, having a good time and an ex who had destroyed my heart came in. Between seeing him and the alcohol I drank I looked at my rebound guy and just hated the fact I was with him. He said something stupid, not even bad, but I just hauled off and slapped the guy I was with. For no reason! I’m not kidding, and I’m not one of those women who thinks it’s okay for a woman to hit a man. I slapped him harder than I have ever slapped anyone in my life. This dude was big too, 6’2” and out weighed me by almost a hundred pounds.

He sat there just looking at me, and then slowly said, “Why did you do that?” I’m stuttering, “Oh that didn’t hurt.” And he replied, “Yes it did.” So I say, “No it didn’t, see!” At which point I slapped myself so hard I about fell out of my chair. Yes folks, if you saw that drunken crazy bitch slapping the shit out of herself at Vinnie’s one night, well that was me. Kind of like Jim Carrey in the movie Liar Liar when he’s in the bathroom kicking his own ass. After I slapped myself silly I realized I was fucked up beyond fucked up. And if I didn’t leave soon I’d probably end up getting my ass kicked. Or kicking my own ass who the Hell knows.

I started walking home, in the winter, dead of night.  Traipsing along in the cold and snow hoping I would make it the few miles home before I fell over into a ditch. I made it almost the whole way then a friend saw me and picked me up. And yes, to answer your question, we did continue dating. Of course had I been able to read the future I would have just slapped him twice that night and ended it right there. HAHAHA

Response

  1. Slapping someone twice always seems to save you in the end. Lesson learned!

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About the author

Sophia Bennett is an art historian and freelance writer with a passion for exploring the intersections between nature, symbolism, and artistic expression. With a background in Renaissance and modern art, Sophia enjoys uncovering the hidden meanings behind iconic works and sharing her insights with art lovers of all levels. When she’s not visiting museums or researching the latest trends in contemporary art, you can find her hiking in the countryside, always chasing the next rainbow.