Back in college I was taking a Bio anthropology class and it was CRAZY. My professor was pretty wild to start with. Well one day during class he was talking about these bonobo monkeys. They’re like a small version of a chimp. These monkeys are THE most sexual primates on the planet!!!! I’m not shittin ya. They have sex ALL THE TIME. And not just sex but oral sex, gay sex, sex in different positions. They are the only monkeys that have sex in the missionary position. These damn things are so horny that’s all they do. If two groups of monkeys come upon each other they’ll start hollering at each other, then they’ll just have a group orgy.

Now I bet you’re asking, yea right how do I know? The professor could just be saying it to mess with us. Well my dear friends, my professor saw fit to provide us with pictures. So yes I have visuals in my mind of monkey’s fucking and having oral sex. Hell there was one that was in color, a female monkey laying on her back and masturbating. Now that’s some shit to remember forever. And I’m telling you I WILL remember it forever; guess I did learn something in college. Felt like I was looking at a monkey porno mag.

And here’s another tidbit of info that isn’t particular to bonobo’s but to primates period. In some groups of monkeys there is the dominant male who gets to mate with the females. Well on the outskirts will be the nondominant males that the larger male will keep away. Sometimes there are horny little female monkeys who aren’t getting enough action (huh they are like us) from the dominant male so her slutty ass will sneak off to the outskirts and bend over for these nondominant males. And get this, the actual scientific term in the journals “sneaky fuckers”. Yes these females and males on the outskirts are sneaky fuckers. And alas, we had visuals for that too. We had still life showing the female sneaking off, her and the male looking around and then of them fucking.

I’ve earned two college degrees, excelled in classes such as microeconomics, macroeconomics, statistical theory and calculus. Yet the main thing I remember is the about the sneaky fuckers. Well that, and my Geology professor was a transsexual. Ah the things I learned in college. Wonder if this’ll help me land a job?