In the online dating world the very first thing that catches anyone’s attention is your profile picture. I’ve talked to some people who say the pictures of those they went out with were NOTHING like how they looked in person. The pictures were from high school or pictures of when they weighed 200 pounds less. Hell even pictures straight up of other people. Well let me tell you about a few profiles I have seen.

There was one where the picture was a guy’s kids. Now I’m sure he loves his children, but seriously and I suppose to say “Oh what cute kids we should go out?” How about the guys who show pictures of vehicles or motorcycles? “Wow a Harley, that must mean he’s a really nice guy!” And the one with big houses make me want to write back and say, “Did you take a picture of your neighbor’s house or what?” The guys who are flexing their muscles in the mirror make me want to laugh out loud. Actually I shouldn’t say they make me want to, they do HAHAHA And the guys sitting there shirtless, slouched, not smiling, wow, how hot. Some of them look like damn serial killers. One especially creepy guy must have been laying in bed. It didn’t show his face. It showed his stomach with a remote control on it, the full length of his legs and the TV at the end of his bed. I couldn’t figure out what the Hell he was trying to accomplish with that picture.

Of course there are always the guys who don’t know how to cut a damn ex out of a picture. Come on man, like I want to see you with your arms around a good looking woman, smiling like a fool. Cut and paste baby cut and paste. My all-time favorite though was a guy who was sitting there all huggie kissie with this woman. Dude didn’t cut and paste. He had blacked out the woman’s eyes, and gave her a moustache and goatee. What the Hell is I supposed to say to that? “Oh how clever, haha, lets go out.” I personally thought that screamed PSYCHO. Shit he’d probably chop me up and put me in his freezer. After taking a picture first of course haha

If you actually make it past the profile picture and read the profile that’s where it starts getting really interesting. Some guys go on and on about how they’ve been hurt and cheated on. Again, that will hardly make me want you. You don’t put that shit in your profile!!!! Save that for the 3rd or 4th date. Some guys will just put it out there that they are just looking for a good time and nothing serious. Do they really have to go online for that; can’t they just go to the local bar?  This one profile I saw was so huge I couldn’t even read the damn thing, it was soooo boring. It went into great detail about his job, life, family, etc. Save that shit for the date. The best one I had to see was this divorced guy who wrote “After twenty years of marriage my friends would come to me and ask me what the meaning of a good marriage is because I know. It is …” Come on dude, YOU’RE DIVORCED. You don’t know the meaning of shit!!!! You’ve had an experience, you’ve learned from it. That doesn’t mean you know the meaning of a good marriage!

Well if you make it past the profile picture and into the profile, next comes how you contact the person you’re interested in. I get these stupid ones, sometimes they are just smiley faces, or “winks”. Okay, did you have something to say? Am I supposed to respond? Or I’ll get “hey want to chat?” “What’s up” “you’re cute”. Again, what do I respond? I personally think if a man is interested in getting to know me he could at least write a damn paragraph and maybe ask me some questions so I will feel like responding. I often get those men who tell me I’m hot or sexy. My profile pic is just my face, that’s it. I could be 500 pounds! How would I even respond? “Gee thanks stranger for telling me I’m so sexy and I get your dick hard. Let’s meet.” It finally got to the point I put right into my profile to not comment on my looks and to bother to read my profile before writing. Oh they loved that. At that point I got the shitty ones. “You’re negative” “You must be a bitch” “How can you be so pessimistic” “You’re ugly anyway” and on and on.

I got in a bad habit though. ANY guy that would write me I felt like I HAD to write back or I might hurt their feelings. So I’d just say chit chat stuff. Before I know if I’m in email Hell with some fugly fat dude trying to explain why I’m not interested. Or with my past, I’d actually go on a date or probably end up in a relationship HAHA At this point I’ve just removed my profile from all dating sights and am going to the old fashioned way. So in my case, I won’t.