Went to Snickerz Comedy Club Comedy Club and to dinner quite a while back with my friends Angie and Kris. At dinner my friend Angie ordered this big ass margarita. I mean this sucker was 48oz, never seen one that big. I had only ordered a 12oz. So much smaller than what she got, story of my life I guess. Well I drank mine then proceeded to fill my glass from Angie’s. Then drank Kris’ drink also. Then, filled my glass again from Angie’s. Although I should have stopped at that point Angie had some left so I just drank it. Damn I was getting drunk.

We then went to Snickerz Comedy Club. Talked to the manager about my doing open mic nite again. Not only did he remember me but a couple of other guys there remembered me too. Of course my response to that is it’s kind of hard to forget me up on stage talking about bad sex ha-ha. At Snickerz I had a big rum runner while there then half another one. Before I even finished the second I realized, damn I’m drunk. So I quit drinking. Anyway after Snickerz a few of us went to Piere’s, the part that was CLUB V at the time. I guess you could call it the hip hop side. Well in my drunkenness I decided I was going to dance in the cage like I did back in the day.

I’m up there dancing and shaking my hips like i was 22 again. I’m really getting into it, shake, shake shake. I know I have to look hot as Hell, whipping my head back and forth and moving my hips. Of course in reality I probably looked like some old ass freak, dressed like a hooker and flopping around like I was having a seizure. But damn 30 seconds of that and I was worn out. My friends go on the dance floor so I slithered out of the cage like I was a damn stripper. As soon as my feet hit the floor vomit comes up in my mouth. I didn’t puke, but it reached past my throat. I mean I could feel chunks on my tongue. (If that grossed you out imagine how I felt). Not wanting to look like a fool in this busy busy club, I swallow the shit back down and decide my dancing is over for the night.

There I was just standing to the side looking like a dork, trying not to puke. While I’m standing there one of our friends decides to leave so I have now taken the position of cock blocking body guard and walk her out because by this point I was becoming the sober one. We stop and talk to a cop on the way who is sitting in his car learning how to play guitar. I’m not kidding. The neck of the guitar is out his window and he had his music sheet out. He said he was off duty and working for the bar. After chatting up rodeo cop I take my friend to her car and return to the bar.

I went back inside to be big momma cock blocking body guard to the other two dancing fools. As I’m standing there I realized, man I really needed to fart. Well I’m drunk; sick as Hell to my stomach from dancing, so I figured fuck it. And I then became the farting cock blocking body guard. I recommend you don’t eat Mexican before a night of dancing at the clubs. Every time I walked, Hell moved, I had the flapping of my cheeks and the prayers to God I wasn’t going to shart myself. I can’t even tell you if it smelled. I’d fart, move, fart, move, fart, and move. Maybe I was simply marking my territory?

This experience brought back a memory from years prior.  Another time I went to Piere’s with my friend Angie and we were in this huge crowd. I had to fart so bad I could help it. Talk about silent but deadly. It was as if a cloud of rotten eggs and shit was hovering around us. It was so bad it grossed me out, let alone everyone around me. Angie crunched her face up in disgust and said “Man somebody just shit themselves let’s get outa here!” So we left. I never did tell her it was me. Of course if she reads this she’ll know my secret hee hee.

At the end of the night I had to lead those two drunken asses out. We tried to go out the wrong door and the bouncers had it closed. The one did tell me I was hot. Yea that’s me, the hot, farting, puking, dancing fool. Fun times. But man I’m getting old. Back in the day I could drink all night, party till the bar closed then go out for breakfast. After sleeping a few hours I could be out again. Now if I do make it out past midnight it’s a special occasion and once in a while I’ll say fuck it and just wear my robe when I go HAHAHA