I had been dating this guy who was a complete ass. The entire time we were dating he would do things to try to piss me off, like tell me shit just to get a reaction. I’m so gullible I’d believed him at first. I didn’t realize he didn’t have his nipples pierced till I saw him naked. And I would have sworn he had a stripper pole till I saw his bedroom. He would do this shit all the time! Not only that but he was constantly talking about other women he had sex with, even going so far as to point them out if we should see them (we live in a very small town).

So after awhile I got this little plan in my mind. My friend Dawn was pregnant so I had her pee on a pregnancy test for me. Yes ladies and gentlemen a positive pregnancy test. I put the test back in the box and even went so far as to glue the box shut. So this guy came over, and I was telling him I’ve gained about 5 pounds and I wasn’t feeling good. I’ve had a couple of kids, so I knew what to say, tender breasts, swollen feet, nausea. Oh ya. Well that night I was taking my vitamins and he asked what I was taking and I said “Well I have to be careful what I take because, well, cuz well I don’t know.” He asked me “Are you pregnant?” With tears in my eyes I replied, “I don’t know, I doubt it.” So now he’s really wondering, “Have you been feeling ok?” “Not really”, I say.  At this point I’m starting to laugh so I go and sit down and won’t look at him because I know if I do I won’t be able to keep a straight face. He keeps asking me “You think you’re pregnant?” So I go and grab the pregnancy test and hand him the box.

Now remember I had glued it shut so it looked like a new test. You should have seen his face it was great. I told him I was going to go take the test right then. My older son was in the bathroom getting out of the shower so I grabbed the box, opened it and took the test out, laid the box on my bookshelf and went in the bathroom. I told my son what I was doing and told him to go ask this guy what two lines on a pregnancy test meant. And the kid was perfect. I mean he’s such an actor. I hear him ask and this guy saying “What are you talking about?!?!” Then my son says all excited, “I’m going to have a little brother or sister!” I’m dying laughing in the bathroom. I mean I’m laughing to hard I can barely stand.

I go out and grab the box that shows on the back what two lines mean. I’m shaking, I have tears in my eyes and just have the look of fear on my face. The guy grabs the box from me goes into the bathroom and just keeps looking at the test and the box, pregnancy test, box, pregnancy test box. Just keeps looking back and forth, back and forth. I’m sitting on the floor outside the bathroom laughing so hard I bout peed my self. He comes out and at first thinks I’m crying. Then I tell him it’s a joke, Dawn peed on it. He calls me an asshole and calls Dawn. Then Dawn tells him she doesn’t know what he’s talking about. So he’s all worried, “This was a joke right?” it was great. I’m telling you I’m still laughing about that. I pointed out to him all the times he was “joking” with me. Haha mother fucker.

Before you feel any sympathy for him or think I’m a major bitch let me say something. This guy constantly farted on me, pointed out every woman he either had his dick in or wanted to put it in and was just plain an ass. Besides, don’t fuck with me because I’m one of the best and I will get you back, only better hahaha