When I moved back to Decatur I didn’t date anyone for quite awhile. I had gone on a couple of dates, but never more than two and no sex for something like a year and a half. So once again I found myself in celibate hell and I wasn’t about to let it get to another three years again. Well I had this male friend who was always telling us how big his dick was and how good he was in bed, could go all night long and shit like that. All the time we’d laugh and laugh about it. Finally one night I thought, fuck it. I’m going to see just how good he is. Other people have fuck buddies, why not me? So I send him a text and ask him if he wanted to rent some movies. He said sure.

I go over to his place and we are sitting on the couch watching this movie. And all I could think about was “Okay now when are we going to have sex. He has to know what I came over for!” Dude never made a move! So about half way through the movie I decided to stretch my legs out over his, undo my pants, like I was just relaxing you know, but “oh look an invitation”. Still nothing. Now I was getting really frustrated. We watched an entire movie as I’m lay there sprawled out, pants undone, wondering how the heck I was going to get him to jump me. After the movie was done he asks if I want to watch another movie. I say “Sure, why don’t we watch it in the bedroom.”

So we go in this guy’s bedroom. This time I decide to make it perfectly clear what I’m there for. I take off my pants, take off my bra and lay on top of the covers in just panties and a t-shirt. He never touched me. I’m putting one arm above my head, and then the other, stretching, looked over at him a few times. NOTHING. I know I know I could have jumped him and just been aggressive, but dammit I’m a lady and I want to feel like a man wants me! You have to remember I’d hardly even been asked out in almost 2 years so I was already wondering what was wrong with me and I hoping to be seduced. About half way through the second (very bad) movie I’m feeling like I must be the ugliest, fattest freak known to man so I get up and get dressed. As I’m walking out the door he asked where I was going. I yell “HOME!” and walked out.

He sent me a text telling me I was confusing. I responded, “Here’s some advice. The next time you have a half naked woman in your bed, YOU FUCK HER!” This happened years ago but once again I find myself in the same situation two years without a date, not even someone holding my hand. But now I’m older and wiser so there will be no more trying to be seduced by men. Think I’ll just get another cat…