Anyone that knows me knows I run my mouth a mile a minute. Doesn’t even have to be when I’m drinking, I simply don’t have a filter. Well years ago I went out to Vinnie’s bar with Kris and we run into these two young guys. Nice guys, we had met the one before. So the new guy is talking to me and is obviously drunk as Hell. After chatting me up for awhile he asks, “What are you doing November? Do you want to go to an Amish party?” I only had a couple of drinks but it doesn’t take much for me to put my foot in my mouth. So I reply, “Why the fuck would I want to go to an Amish party? So I can drink beer and fuck a sheep?” As I laugh at my hilarious joke this guy replies, “What if I told you there was an Amish in here right now?” So my ignorant ass still isn’t getting it and I’m turning in a 360 and saying loudly, “There’s no fucking Amish in here! They wouldn’t be here, there’s no sheep!” It was at this point I noticed my friend Kris and this guy’s friend frantically waving their arms, covering their mouths, doing a cutting motion across their throats.

Of course I’m all confused, “What the fuck you doing?” I holler. Turns out this guy is fucking Amish, well was raised Amish but was in the process of leaving the order and because of that he was wearing regular cloths. So then I’m trying to do some major backtracking. “Uh, yeah I went to AC we were known as Amish college”, “I love the Amish, I had Amish friends”, “I’d really like an Amish to clean my house, they are so reliable”. I was rambling trying to think of anything to smooth this humiliating situation over.

Luckily this guy was so drunk he couldn’t even stand. So as we drank I was extra nice. That was till the end of the night when we were all smashed and he passed out at the bar. The poor guy was sitting on a bar stool with his head laying on the bar and I got the bright idea to start making sheep noises in his ear. “BAHHHH BAHHHH BAHHHH” Now before you go thinking I’m a horrible person, three more people joined me. Hee hee, we were all making sheep noises just to see if he would wake up to see what his girlfriend wanted HAHAHAHA. When he finally woke up Kris kept calling him sheep boy and told him it was time to go out to pasture. Ah, good times.